It’s been a while since I watched the TV show, “Brothers and Sisters,” and Sunday night’s episode really dug into the subject of women getting older.

Sally Fields, who plays Nora Walker, a mom to five grown children, meets an old acquaintance who encourages her to see a plastic surgeon.  Of course the woman looks fabulous…unlined face, perky boobs, perfect neck…and tells Nora she must see this “artist” because it will change her life!

What Fields shows in the episode is the frustration women over sixty often feel…unattractive, old, and unhappy with themselves. Ironically, her daughter wants to visit the surgeon to see if she also can have a couple of tucks here and there. It demonstrated how critical we are about our lines and signs of aging and how easy it is to blame our insecurities on our physical imperfections.

Yet, who of us has not felt that we could use some “corrections?” I know I have, and as I approach my seventy-something birthday, I still ask myself, should I or shouldn’t I? And if I looked like Sally Fields, I’d forget about surgical fixes. I think she looks fabulous! Of course, for this episode, she was dressed to look especially frumpy…wrong colors, baggy coat, etc.

Her unhappiness stems from being alone, as her brother points out. He also tells her that “rearranging her face” won’t change anything unless she changes herself.  I loved his counsel to her. It made me feel better because I’m too chicken to have any kind of surgery anywhere in my body. After all, I’m not trying to recapture my youth. Like many of you, I just don’t want to look old.

Mind you, I’m not opposed to surgical corrections or changes if it’s really important to your well-being. The difference is in the reasons for such drastic changes. It won’t change who you are but it could make you feel better about yourself, depending on exactly what’s bothering you. But this is something to discuss with an expert on the subject, which I’m not.

So let’s rethink this whole beauty/attractiveness issue.

What makes a woman beautiful ? It’s so subjective, especially in a society that seems to worship the looks and bodies of the very young. It leaves us older folks whose bodies are heading south, with few alternatives. If I thought standing on my head for a few hours a day might put things back in place, I’d be tempted to do it. It won’t, of course and it’s a good thing because I’d probably break my neck.

What I notice is that the women who are vibrant, energetic and sharing their talents with the world are greatly admired. They’re the ones who make a difference in the lives of everyone they touch, in one way or another. Does that make them beautiful? I believe it does. The interesting thing is that when you love what a person does, the physical beauty is not that important.

The old saying, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” is worth thinking about. A famous artist once said to me, “If you think what you do is art, then it’s art.” I say, if you see yourself as beautiful, then you are. If someone loves you and thinks you are beautiful, then you are. The key here is for YOU to see yourself as beautiful.

Just for today, can you look at all your assets and appreciate those? List at least 20 of them, starting at the top of your head and working your way down. Just for today, don’t look at any of what you don’t like about yourself and concentrate on what you DO like about yourself. Then, if you decide to go for a few tucks and lifts, you’ll have a better feel for what you really do want and why you want it.

By the way, after the talk with her brother, Nora Walker probably won’t be having the surgery. At least that’s the impression I was left with. We’ll see.