Loneliness can be a debilitating condition. Fortunately there’s lot we can do about it. This is not about being alone by choice. One can be alone yet not be lonely. This is about that condition that takes place when a way of living disappears. For women over sixty, being alone is a greater possibility than it was in our earlier years.
One of the greatest fears after a divorce, death of a mate, or children leaving home, is the fear of always being alone. It’s understandable that one can feel lost and isolated. Fortunately, there’s a lot we can do about that. What can hold us up is living in the past and looking at the future as a bleak, empty space with no relief in sight.
Here’s something that worked for me at a time when I felt extremely at a loss as I found myself alone. At that time I had my own business and used the problem/decision/results method to come up with creative solutions when I worked with a client. So one night, restless and extremely lonely, I thought about trying this method to solve my problem. If you’re feeling lonely, (different from being alone) Here’s what I did and how you can take steps to change that situation.
First, I wrote down the problem: I’m feeling isolated, frustrated, lonely and angry.
Second, I wrote down the truth about why I wanted to change: I don’t like this feeling. It’s making me sad and depressed.
Third: I made the decision to change this situation.
Fourth: I wrote down my desired results; i.e., I want an exciting, fulfilling life full of fun and friends and I want to do things I have not been able to do before.
Once I knew what I wanted, I did some solitary brainstorming by starting with a checklist of twenty-five things for each of the categories. For example:
25 things I can do to do create a social network with supportive people.
25 things I can do that will make my life fulfilling.
25 things I have not been able to do before and that I would now like to do.
I’ll have to admit that a list of twenty-five things can be daunting; however, it changed my life. Some of the friendships I formed back then are richer now and as we have all become senior women, we can laugh at the many adventures we have since shared.
If you’re in that spot, and I hope you’re not, following these steps may give you a new perspective and create a whole new world of love and support.
Hi Delores,
Great article as usual. I have also found that if I state a problem in writing and then write down solutions or outcomes I would like I can make big changes in my life.
Thanks!
You really struck a chord. Just a few years ago, I found myself in a situation such as you describe–sad, lonely, angry–all negative emotions. This was following the sudden death of my husband, who was my high school sweetheart and who came into my life almost 50 years later. I don’t recall actually sitting down and making lists, but I must have gone mentally through all of the steps you suggested, because 3 years later, my life is full and I am surrounded by friends with whom I share common interests and goals. I am still alone, but never lonely.
This is a wonderful article, Dolores. It really gives specific steps to use to handle the problem of lonliness. Thanks so much for all your good ideas!
On one of the lonelest nights of my life I made a decision to make new friends and found a shoe box to decorate and label
“my new friends”. I put it by my bed and started to think about how I would fill it. I happened to go to a group where I knew just one person but I remembered my box and reached out for two new friends, got their phone numbers, came home, put them in my box. That week I called both of them. Before long, I was doing the same on similar occasions. It really worked because I got calls back and felt better about life and myself. It validated my worth as a friend.
Anne
Great suggestions for taking action and dealing with loneliness. Reaching out to others is critical. There are so many lonely people who would love someone to extend a hand of friendship. Be that person. Realize that your life may have changed, but you can still make it beautiful and fulfulling.
Thank you for the great ideas. I know my readers will benefit from them as much as I have.
thank you food for thought when you live alone we need all the hope and encouragement we can get so, thank you for taking time to write